Dec21

The journey

by admin on December 21, 2011 at 11:27 am
Posted In: General

so I was thinking on re-starting p90x this coming Monday, kind of say the last month was practice. it was a cop out I know, and a test. I wanted to restart because I was convinced I was not getting the results blah blah blah

the truth is I am failing myself, I make little lies to make myself feel better, and that needs to stop

so I will be continuing on, do my best, and then in 60 days or so, then I will start it again, after the first 90 days of practice. yup then I’ll really get going, but first I need this practice run

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Dec13

Well it’s my new world

by admin on December 13, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Posted In: General

so lets see a few weeks ago I bought a new car, got me a Nissan X-Terra nice suv, I like it a lot and it has all the cool stuff in it.  Still working at Lake city and loving it, my wife seems to understand that I need this in my life.
A few weeks ago I started P90X so far it’s goign OK having some issues with finishing the workouts, mostly due to the time I have to work out which is late in the evening so I can get Anj from school, now that she is done I get about 3 weeks to really get into the swing of things and get my schedule moved to 6:30, which will allow my body time to slow down so i can actually get some sleep.  the other elements that i wa slacking in was diet.. I am now (as of yesterday evening) weighing everythign i eat except celery my goal is to be a 34-36 inch waist by next summer.  I am seriously cuttign back on my Mountain dew intake, righ tnow Im down to 1 a day, alogn with the cafine in my daily vitamins, I have two bottles left in my desk here, and will try to avoid a soda all day tomorrow, it’s hard jsut due tot he convienece of the bottles.  anyhow, Im on week 3 of P90x, and plan to do it twice which will get me right up to June.  I’ll keep updating people

 

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Nov18

Feeling the Magic and hearing the roar

by admin on November 18, 2011 at 8:55 am
Posted In: General

Well True Believers, what a diffrence a month has made, well sorta. So when last we spoke I was wallowing in my own self pity. Well thanks to the magic of facebook and what I truly believe is the way life should work, I sent out a call for anyone looking for a casual medic, and guess what it wa sanswered.. I am working Casual for Lake City Ambulance, which is a small service, but I am back in my true natural habitat, an ambulance. I pretty much screwed up just about everythign my first “official” shift as a primary medic, something I will fix next saturday when i am working again. Still working for the palce I can not name, mostly because they actually monitor these things, I am looking 3elsewhere but for now I am making money an dbills are being paid off and i am for the most part happy about that.

really nothing else, I know I should be blogging more but alas nothign much going on.

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Oct04

The lessening of me

by admin on October 4, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Posted In: General

I have been in a downward spiral for a long time now, no one who is close to me seems to understand, and it hurts me more than they know when they look at me and in a tone of irritation say “I know what you are feeling” or “I know you bette than you think” it’s all bullshit, and the fact that they don’t see me dying right in front of them is the worst kind of pain imaginable. I am misserable in this life I live, that which was mine was taken away, I accept the fact I played a role in my downward turn, I accept that fact I can not change the past. But I can change the course of my life, I have done it before, with determination and sheer all out stuborness I have taken the broken and battered me and risen higher than I or anyone else ever thought possible. I live in a house where I am not allowed to live as i chose to live, if I could guarantee that it would do any good i would throuw our renter out on her fat ass tonight and her fucked up cat with her. I don’t fuckign care that she can’t sleep at 8 o’clock at night, nor do i give to shits that she wants to sit at home and suck off the governemnt because she can’t find a job paying her what she thinks she is worth. Fuck im ready to throw away 62 grand a year to go back to making 40 k a year just so i can feel like I am fucking alive again, to live again, to be me again, and not this gholem I am trapped in now, this creature of pain and rage that walks the world feeling lower and lower everyday, there are days I think on just quietly givign up, and going to work and going home 5 days a week, mow the lawn and doing what some people of my family think I should do because I am in such a better place now… then I think about being cold, and shaking, curled up on the floor of my room begging for God to just end me, and laying on the ground in agony while friends worked to make sure I made it to a hospital, and I am reminded that I have never asked for the easy life, I am not cut out to sit idly by and let tohers put themselves to the hazard in my stead, I will make my life work, I will live up tot he expectations that I have set for myself, and I will do what I need to do, and that mission starts today

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Aug12

And the beat goes on

by admin on August 12, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Posted In: General

Greetings true believers, well the chinese curse of may you live in interesting times sure is true.
Today I ended my time at Carlson Marketing, I left with very little fan fare, handed off my super cool Mac and my access cards and walked out the door, then went back to grab my iPad which was sitting in my locked drawer.. Getting to jump the security gate was the highlight of my day, I felt very super spy like.. What can I say I have simple desires.

So I interviewed at Us Bank Monday face to face, and Tuesday, Wednesday by phone.
I also interviewed at a placed called Verifications INC and Best Buy, neither place intrigued me like Us Bank even though technically the money was greater, but it was contract work and I was not up for that, the First place did not seem too interested in me as a designer, and Best Buy was totally not into me or my skill sets even though I was extremely qualified, but that is their loss.
So Wednesday I was offered a spot at Verifications INC despite my gut screaming at me to stay away something just wasn’t right. I ultimately accepted the job based on my first choice not getting back to me as quickly as I would have liked. Today I went to the placement agency to fill out paperwork and set up my pee test, but as luck would have it I was contacted by Us Bank on my way home and offered a job, that is closer to home, and closer to places for me to stretch my legs and enjoy myself. I accepted immediately, and now I have to email the placement agency and tell them I found full-time employment, this will not go well, the first place really wanted me, but one thing that struck me as not so good was when I learned they canceled interviews with other people to have me do three different jobs.

I think I will be happier now

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